Mark Twain famously said, “Writing a blog for the Internet is like riding a bike. You never forget how to do it.”

Except when you ride a bike and fail, you don’t have a bunch of people standing over you telling you “how funny you used to be.” Oh well, here goes.

I am combining our first two shows this swing. It is a tiny, little swing. We flew into Kansas City for two shows to begin our first “tour” of 2014. Obviously my New Year’s resolution was to use more quotation marks.

These first two shows were both privates but could not have been more different from each other.

First one was at a private home with about 100 guests. One of those intimate, songwriters on a couch telling stories nights. And it was great. Very appreciative, respectful crowd. Only wrench in the evening was that, despite telling them over and over again that we are a cranky band of people with many, many dietary issues… they always ignore us. It’s not to the level of Mötley Crüe demanding the dressing room never have blow raised from below the 64th parallel… it’s simple weenie stuff. We don’t eat cheese before we sing. It makes us sound “lumpy.” (resolution) I am allergic to bell peppers. Not a glamorous allergy, grant you… but you’d be surprised how often my enemies try to sneak it into an innocent looking dish like steamed veggies. Some of us are trying to stay healthy by avoiding Gluten. Gluten is fucking everywhere. Gluten is pervasive in our modern world. When the hell did THAT happen? So we ask “please feed us but don’t hurt us.”

What did they offer us for dinner? Lasagna (cheese and noodles with extra Gluten) and steamed vegetables, heavy on the bells. What tragic chain of events did that set off? When we should have been meditating and rehearsing (wouldn’t that be great if that actually described our group? Instead we smoke and play Words with Friends)

So we had to send someone out for food. To a nearby fast-ish food place. I will be kind and not say which one. But Georgia and I ordered the same thing and we both got violently ill later in the evening. Which made me lose concentration and I lost my Words with Friends game. Unintended collateral tragedy.

Last night, still in KC they did it right. We walked in the dressing room and it was literally filled with barbecue. Kansas City barbecue is truly magical and when we hit the stage we were covered in sauce and shredded meat. It looked like an Alice Cooper concert.

We were worried about this show. All day people were stopping us in the lobby saying things like “Hey…alright, Gonna Footloose tonight!” Or “Can’t wait to get to the Danger Zone,” …and “Satisfaction.”

Okay…that last one MAY have been a prostitute working the lobby.

Apparently they advertised this as a Kenny show and not necessarily a Blue Sky Riders show, so we expected to have a bit of a hostile audience. Nothing could be further from the truth. We played in a room the size of several airplane hangers. The sound had more echo than a Phil Spector single. The audience was so far away from us that when we talked on stage we sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher. But played and sang with gusto (opening act…from Boston) and everyone loved it.

The show was very late and now we are up very early to fly to Colorado and start our nosebleeds.

Hope the bike ride wasn’t too painful.