Last blog… First leg… Middle finger…

Big fan of the Wright Brothers. Let me state that right up front and get it out of the way. Love the whole “fly through the air” thing. When I was a young man I fell in love with the space program. I made charts and graphs on poster boards of all the missions and the astronauts and the rockets. I did not want to grow up and go into space but I was very glad that THEY were crazyass enough to want to.

Then came the Jetsons. I never thought that the outside treadmill for dog walking was going to have a large impact on the world but MAN… I fell for the flying car. I’m not the first guy my age who is pissed that I don’t have a flying car by now. It’s a tale as old as time… “I’m ninety years old. Where’s my silver unisex suit and my flying car?” Since there are no flying cars I am forced to use commercial airlines. It truly breaks my eight year old heart. (No, I did not have a complete heart transplant eight years ago. Inside I am still eight. That explains why when we dine out in nice restaurants I always embarrass Georgia by ordering S’mores and ginger ale)

Today we spent all day trying to get from point A to point B. What good is having a tour end and going home if the entire universe plots to keep you at point A? San Francisco Airport decided to shut down all runways but one today. Monday sounded like a good day to slap on a new coat of paint on the tarmacs and a few more arrows pointing to the terminals. Delayed getting out of Frisco (I know the city of San Francisco hates being called Frisco. San Francisco, I did that on purpose because I am mad at you) Delayed getting out of Vegas. (Vegas doesn’t care what I call it as long as I drop a twenty in the wheel of fortune slot machine by gate 21. Vegas, you whimsical, neon whore!) Finally zeroing in on home at 11:30 at night on our first off day before we head back out.

Our dog, Bucky the Psycho, stays with my sister when we go on tour. We are not even going to be home long enough to go and get him. We figure that will just confuse him more and aggravate his psycho-ness. Someday I will write an entire blog explaining our dog’s quirks. I call them “quirks” the same way Anthony Bugliosi used the term “eccentric” to describe Manson at his trial. Even with all Bucky’s quirks we are still very sad that we won’t be able to have him home for the two days we are off the road.

The last show was great. As a omen of what was to befall us today… the highway was backed up and we didn’t get to our last show until very late. We only had about ten minutes to get the sound right. (We usually spend 12 or 13 minutes) We all gulped down dinner, threw on our by now very much in need of laundering show clothes… and had a great show in Napa at the Uptown Theatre. We have played there a few times and they always treat us great and it is ALWAYS a terrific audience. The last paragraph was proof that I do not always have something snarky to say about the places we play. Some venues are snark-free zones and the Uptown Theatre is one of them. Maybe if I had been at the venue longer I could have found something to whine about but frankly, we were in and out so damn fast….

I told you about the next bit of hell that awaits us… the ferry… the drive…. I’m sure I am building it up in my mind to be much harder than it will be. But seriously… if Georgia and I had the flying car we could be there in about ninety minutes. In beautiful silver unisex suits that never need laundering…..