If I could give a kidney, I would. My kidneys are pretty wedged in there. I think taking one or more of them out (I’m a little shakey on anatomy… don’t we have three or four?) would probably do more harm than good. So that idea is right out.

We’re trying to think up things that our band can offer people to donate to our Kickstarter campaign. Sure, we’re giving them the cool stuff like digital CDs, dinner with the band, singing on the record… but couldn’t there be more?

We are wracking our brains. Throwing out crazy ideas just to shoot them down like so much brain skeet.  I downside much brain skeet. Kenny and I getting our legs waxed on camera? Great idea… if my legs weren’t already as smooth as baby’s feet. I began full body waxes in college to cut time off my lap speeds on the swim relay team. That decision now comes back to haunt me, and hurt the band’s chances at success.

Shave my beard? Kenny grows his out? For my part… shaving my beard would be a huge mistake. I have an enormous melon. Without my beard my face looks inhumanly round. I was once on vacation alone, out of the country, and I shaved down to a goatee. I looked like a soccer ball with pubic hair. It was absolutely frightening. I hid in the hotel room for two weeks till it all grew back. And this was in a land where no one knew who I was! (Like the entire world outside of Nashville)  Kenny growing his beard out and looking like 1980’s Kenny Loggins is a cute idea, but the beard without the mullet would be a fashion faux pas, and Kenny refuses to man up and mullet up.

What am I WILLING to do? Well, as the good team player I profess to be… I am willing to shake any hand, call any phone, face any diner, play any show that helps us make our second CD. And more. To show the degree to which I am ready go… I have agreed to wear a dress.

If we reach a certain goal (please let it be 20 million dollars) I am going to come out on stage during Kenny’s show and sing “Whenever I Call You Friend” with Kenny. And I will be wearing a ball gown. Yes, I will go out and purchase a ball gown (why would I own one? What possible use would I have for a ball gown hanging in my closet?) and strut my stuff across an unspecified stage. Doesn’t this show how far I am willing to go to see our second CD become a reality? A twisted, sick, perverted reality.

No one needs to see me humiliate myself this way. Unfortunately, I have a horrible sinking feeling that a lot of you would LIKE to.  In that case, click here.  But watch this, first:

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